Heal My Heart
by VividInk
Summary: ‘You’re going again, aren’t you? Going in search of something irretrievable. You seem so near, yet so far, and I know your love and affection is something I will never get...’ CloTi angst & romance, oneshot.


Title: Heal My Heart

_**A/N: Hey people! Yet another depressing story from me, the oneshot angst queen! Ok, maybe I'm not the queen but yeah, I write heaps of CloTi angst fics. Most have happy endings but a couple don't, hehe. Anyways, enjoy this one!**_

**_P.S Denzel and Marlene aren't in this story. In addition, Tifa's thoughts are mainly in Italics and so is Aerith's speech. _**

"Cloud!" gasped Tifa as she jerked upright in her bed, her forehead covered in beads of cold sweat and her face as pale as a sheet of paper.

The brunette girl bit her lip uneasily, knowing what she would see if she were to step out of her bedroom and run down the stairs. The last time Tifa had such an awakening in the middle of the night, she had rushed downstairs to find Cloud half way out of the doorway.

Tifa darted out of bed, ignoring the piercing cold of the wooden floor on the soft soles of her feminine feet. _'Please be here Cloud, don't leave again. My heart aches to know you're willing to throw me aside in search of a lost soul.' _Tifa thought to herself as she ran down the stairs, skipping a step at a time as she went.

The moment the doorway of Seventh Heaven came into sight, the hazel-eyed girl froze immediately, taking in a sharp breath before she breathed out a hushed "Cloud.".

There he stood, tall, silent, blonde and broodingly handsome. Though his back was turned against Tifa, she could imagine his face as clearly as the sun. His intoxicating mako-blue eyes, his rosette lips and fair nose.

Cloud shifted silently, shuffling from one foot to the other, back still turned, before acknowledging her. "Tifa,"

Tifa could feel the lump form in her throat as the all too familiar choking feeling swarmed in a mass above her voice box. She could feel the sadness eat away at her heart as she watched Cloud by the door, knowing that he was going to leave again in search of someone he lost, _Aerith_.

'_Though you never tell me that you're leaving or that you've left. Do you think I don't know that you're gone?' _Tifa said quietly to herself as she boldly took a few steps toward the handsome blonde warrior. _'You're going again, aren't you? Going in search of something irretrievable. You seem so near, yet so far, and I know your love and affection is something I will never get.'_

Tifa finally reached cloud and placed a cold hand on his shoulder as she struggled to find her voice, "C-Cloud, please don't g-go."

Tifa felt Cloud stiffen as he took in a breath of air, "I have to, Tifa. Stay out of it, please."

The hazel-eyed girl didn't know why she felt so shocked by his words. After all, this wasn't the first time he had tried to leave silently in the wee hours of the morning, when even the moon hadn't gone to bed.

"Cloud, Aerith's gone, forever, and you know that. So why do you keep looking for her? She's already forgiven you! What more are you looking for with her?" asked Tifa exasperatedly as she felt the pearly tears of hers cloud her vision.

"I need to speak with her. I only feel at home when I'm with her." Said Cloud quietly, oblivious to the fact that what he had just said had plunged a dagger right into the heart of the girl standing behind him.

"Cloud! Stop being so naïve and foolish! You know Aerith would never want you to live like that, grieving over her!" Tifa cried out desperately as she stepped up beside him, urging him to look at her. "She'd want you to move on with your life! Find someone to love and love you…"

"I SAID STAY OUT OF IT!" hollered Cloud angrily, before he swung a hand right at Tifa's face, causing her to stumble slightly and clutch her face in disbelief. "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING! SO JUST STAY OUT OF MY LIFE AND LEAVE ME ALONE!"

With that, Cloud strode angrily out of the door and slammed it shut behind him, leaving a crying Tifa standing by it, her arms around her shoulders. Tifa knew what she had said was a fatal mistake, but she had said it all too quickly.

She knew Cloud loved Aerith deeply and she probably loved him back with equal strength and passion, which was probably why Tifa always hated to admit it, or so she thought.

The brunette girl sunk to floor as she broke down silently, one hand clutching her face and the other folded in toward her chest, where she clutched her vest where her heart was. Tifa's skin prickled as she shivered under the cold, tears running in streams down her peachy soft cheeks.

'_Why did you have to go, Cloud, why? Why do I have to love you? I know that no matter how much I dream, wish or pray about it, I know that you have never and could never love me, for your heart has only enough room for another.'_ Tifa thought to herself as she heard and felt her heart shatter into a million pieces. _'I guess you also don't know that you have left a wound in my heart. A wound that would pour out blood and tears; a wound that will never and can never heal.'_

Tifa cried to herself, unable to stop her tears or ease the hurt she felt. The hurt of being, unwanted, unneeded and unloved.

'_You're hurting too Cloud, and I know that, but you don't know the hurt that I feel. The hurt of losing someone you love, not because the person's dead, but because they don't love you and would rather forget you to love something impossible to bring back.'_ Tifa whispered as she propped her arms upon her knees and rested her chin on her arms.

More tears trickled down the girl's alabaster cheeks as she gently touched the spot on her face where Cloud's hand had hit. The skin around it stung painfully and the scene of his facial expression and how he had come to hit her replayed endlessly in her mind.

'_Would you miss me and grieve for me the way you do for her if I were to die, Cloud? Probably not. You're already trying to forget me and kick me out of your memory and life. Maybe if I did go to where she was, it would make it one step easier for you.'_ Tifa thought as she sniffled and swallowed hard.

Though her heart was still beating, she felt like it was gradually slowing down and becoming tired. After all, nobody needed her around. Cid had Shera, Yuffie was now going out with Vincent, Marlene was staying with Barret and Denzel had found his biological parents and was staying with them too.

Marlene and Denzel; the two children who had brought joy to her life. Tifa had always dreamt of having children of her own, but what was the use when there was no one to have children with?

Tifa had always longed for that person to be Cloud. She wanted to love him and for him to love her back the same way. She wanted to settle down with him and start a family, but it was no use now, was it?

That's right, there was no use and instantly, Tifa made up her mind about something, she was going to end her suffering and disappear out of Cloud's life, once and for all.

Tifa steadily rose to her feet, warm tears still flowing freely from her eyes as they fell and hit the wooden floor like raindrops. The hazel-eyed girl walked up the stairs and into her bedroom before she flicked on the bathroom light and started filling the bathtub with warm water.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"I just feel at ease when I'm talking to you. No on understands me like you do." Said Cloud softly as he sat by the lifestream, Aerith's spirit floating innocently above it.

"_Still, you shouldn't have shouted at Tifa like that, much less have hit her." _Said Aerith knowingly, her voice melodiously bubbling up from inside her. _"You know you love her, Cloud. However, you keep telling yourself otherwise and all the same, Tifa thinks otherwise too."_

"I don't know, Aerith, I really don't." sighed Cloud as he played with a little yellow flower.

"_That's precisely my point, Cloud. You're confused about how you feel and you express that through your actions. By leaving Tifa all the time you've led her into thinking that you don't care about her and that she means nothing to you." _Explained Aerith patiently as she smiled gently at the blonde warrior.

"I think I just told her that earlier." Mumbled Cloud under his breath, but Aerith heard it all.

"_Right you are. So I'm telling you now, search yourself and you will realise that you do love her, Cloud. I'm just an elder sister to you. Let go of everything and focus on what matters in your life. Don't dilly-dally until it's too late." _Said Aerith wisely, before her expression suddenly changed to a worried one.

Cloud frowned uneasily, "What's wrong?"

Aerith closed her eyes for several seconds before she gasped in horror and her hand flew to her mouth. _"It's Tifa. You have to return to Seventh Heaven immediately, now! Go!"_

Cloud catapulted to his feet frowning slightly in desperation, "What's going on? Aerith please tell me!"

"_I'm sorry, but I cannot reveal the future to you. All I can tell you that you have to hurry before something, that you will regret your whole life, happens! Go, hurry!" _exclaimed Aerith as she sent a frantic Cloud away on Fenrir.

Tifa pulled her vest, shirt and pants off, leaving her brassiere and underwear on. The brunette looked at herself one last time in the mirror, her cheeks blotchy from crying and her eyes holding no glimmer of hope at all, before she slid herself into the bathtub, submerging herself completely.

The hazel-eyed girl closed her eyes and heard he entire world go quiet as she lay in the bathtub of water. Her heart felt heavy and its rhythmic beat was getting slower by the second. After a while, Tifa could only cry amidst being in the water as she heard her lungs cry out for oxygen.

'_You want to forget me, Cloud? Well now you can. I'll be gone forever, I'll no longer be an eyesore for you. Though it hurts me to know that you'll never miss and grieve for my loss, it comforts me to know that it'll make you happy once I'm gone.' _Tifa thought in her conscience.

A worried and curious Cloud pulled up outside Seventh Heaven and proceeded to enter the bar. The door creaked open as he gently called out her name, feeling guilty that he had blown his top at her earlier. "Tifa? Tifa are you here?"

A pang of worry hit him when he saw that there was water flowing down the staircase and it was slowly drenching the entire floor of the bar. The sound of water was prominent amidst the deadly silence of Seventh Heaven and instantly, Cloud raced up the stairs, careful not to slip.

The water was coming from Tifa's bedroom and he trudged through the flooded floor of the room before he came to the bathroom doorway. It was only then that it struck him. Aerith's extreme worry and her frantic eagerness for him to return to Seventh Heaven…

No, it couldn't be! Aerith had mentioned about his actions driving Tifa to think otherwise, but she wouldn't, she couldn't have committed suicide! Tifa would _never_ do something like that, unless she was driven to the very edge and was forced to.

He couldn't have hurt her that much, could he? Did he? However, he didn't care about that right then, all he wanted to know, was whether Tifa was alright.

Cloud flung the bathroom door open and instantly water gushed out into the bedroom. The bathtub was overflowing with water and inside, lay an unconscious _Tifa_.

The blonde warrior gasped and it was as if his entire world had frozen to ice and was now crashing down on him. At first instinct, Cloud plunged his hands into the bathroom and tugged Tifa's motionless body upward and out of the water by the shoulders.

Her skin was pale as a sheet of paper and she was as cold as ice. Tifa's eyelids remained tight shut as Cloud shook her gently in an attempt to awaken her. "Come on Tifa, please don't be dead! Wake up!"

Cloud boldly pinched Tifa's nose and attempted to resuscitate her using CPR. "1, 2, 3. Come on Tifa,"

Cloud could feel the guilt sink into him as he tried a couple more times to resuscitate her. However, his attempts proved useless as Tifa's body remained limp in his arms. The tars started to well up in his eyes as he remembered all the times Tifa had helped him through tough times.

She had housed him and fed him, looked after him and cared for him. It pained Cloud to finally realise after all those years that he had been hurting Tifa by ignoring her feelings for him and not returning her affections.

"T-Tifa." Whispered Cloud as the first teardrop fell from his azure eyes and hit the soft skin of Tifa's face gently. "Tifa, w-wake up! I'm so sorry. You can never forgive me for life, but please, just wake up!"

Cloud broke down as he held Tifa close to him, ignoring the fact that she was in her undergarments. "Please, come back, please! _I love you_,"

The blonde male warrior knew that he was being selfish by asking her to come back when he himself had failed to return to her even though she had shed many tears for his absence. Cloud cried noisily for the first time in years as he buried his face into Tifa's wet hair, his arms embracing her tight.

However, a slight movement caught Cloud's attention. Tifa's chest heaved a second time before she spluttered and coughed wildly, the water flowing out of her mouth as she coughed repeatedly.

Cloud swore he could've kissed her at the moment as he watched Tifa's eyes flutter open to look at him.

Azure blue eyes were the first thing Tifa saw and the fact that she was still alive made her break down again. _'Why am I still alive? Why is Cloud looking at me with tears in his eyes? What's going on? I should be dead! I want to die!'_

Realising that Cloud was holding her, Tifa pushed him away and jumped out of his arms before she grabbed her bathrobe and wrapped it around herself.

"Oh my god, Tifa, I'm so glad you're alright." Breathed Cloud as he stood up and attempted to walk toward her, only to find that with each step he took, Tifa took one back.

"Don't bother coming over to comfort me, Cloud, because you're just going to leave again one day. Why did you even save me? Do you enjoy tormenting me or something!" asked Tifa as she cried noisily looking sadly at a guilty Cloud.

"Tifa, listen to me," Cloud began, but before he could carry on, Tifa cut him off.

"No, _you listen_!" yelled Tifa heartbroken, as she glared at Cloud, tears flowing from her hazel eyes. "For years I have loved you with all my heart and being, but all you ever cared about was Aerith! You never cared how I felt or how much hurt you caused every single time you left!"

Cloud sighed in defeat as he looked up at Tifa, his eyes still shining with tears. "Tifa I know I hurt you deeply and I'm sorry, but I know I'm being selfish by asking you to forgive me. You can never forgive me, but please just give me another chance to make it up to you!"

Tifa snorted as she wiped her face with the back of her hand, "How, huh? By pretending to love me so that I'll feel better and be happy, before leaving again in search of someone who's dead? I'm not going to let you put me through that again. If that is indeed on your mind, then _leave_, right now and _never come back_!"

Cloud shook his head at Tifa as he took a brave step forward and threw his arms around her, despite Tifa's protests and struggles. "Tifa, please! Listen to me, I have been walking blindly for the past two years, but now I realise what's important and who I love! Please give me another chance, Tifa, I love you!"

Tifa managed to break free from him and she backed away into a corner, "For someone who's so devoid of emotion and care for others' feelings, you sure make a very good actor."

Cloud gasped at her statement. _'Is that what you really think of me, Tifa? Or are you just saying that because I've hurt you so much?' _Cloud said in his mind as he looked hopefully at her.

Tifa finally broke down completely and burst out at him, "You're the one who doesn't understand anything, Cloud! Every time you left I would cry myself to sleep at night, wondering if you'd ever come back! You just left without giving me any notice in advance! I was cast aside in favour of a mere memory!"

"I'm sorry, Tifa! I was selfish and devoid of emotion, like you said, but I can't change who I've become unless you help me and give me a second chance!" exclaimed Cloud as he started advancing on Tifa again.

Tifa just sunk further into the corner with her hands outstretched, "No, don't come any nearer! It only hurts even more when you touch me!"

Cloud's gaze was drawn to a sore patch on Tifa's face and he felt his heart crack at the sight and remembrance of how it even got there. He had hit her earlier, even shouted at her, and only now was he actually regretting his actions.

Tifa just sank into the corner as she crouched down on the floor, burying her face in her arms and crying her heart out. _'Why did you only come to me now, Cloud? Why not earlier when you could've saved my heart from bleeding and shattering? I love you Cloud, and I always will, but even though you say that you do love me too, how do I know what you're saying is true?'_

Cloud moved closer and crouched down in front of Tifa before he extended both arms and wrapped them around her. Though Tifa's pride was telling her to pull away, she felt too hurt and weak to do so. After all, isn't this what she had wanted Cloud to do?

"T-Tifa, you know how it feels to be ignored and constantly pushed away." Cloud choked, as tears began running down his face again. "I know it's unfair of me to say this, but if you really do love me, you wouldn't make me walk down that path. Please, don't push me away; I love you with every fibre of my being and soul."

Tifa felt something wet fall on the crook of her neck and she looked up at Cloud and sniffed, _'Is he crying? I thought he never cried. Maybe he does love me after all, but what if it's all fake?'_

Tifa sniffed before locking eyes with him and asking, "How do I know y-you're not f-feigning everything?"

However, Tifa could see straight past Cloud's eyes and into his heart and she could see everything he thought and felt. His heart was clean and sincere and there was no other woman in his heart but her.

'_So you do love me after all. Why didn't you tell me, Cloud? You could've saved me all that hurt and tears.'_

"Now do you believe me or are you still going to push me away?" asked Cloud quietly as he lifted his right hand caressed Tifa's sore cheek gently.

Tifa felt more tears trickle down her cheeks as she asked, "Why didn't you ever tell me?"

Cloud shrugged slightly as he grinned at her for the first time in ages, "I was confused and shy, I guess."

Tifa felt her world begin to vanish as she was left staring into Cloud's blue eyes. She was getting lost in them and she knew he was getting lost in hers. The pair were oblivious to the fact that their heads were inching closer by the second and the moment Tifa's lips brushed against Cloud's, he went in for it and pulled them both into a passionate kiss.

They broke away after a minute or so and Cloud nuzzled Tifa's face before he whispered, "I love you. Always have and always will,"

"I should go and get dried off and into some clothes," said Tifa as she slowly rose to full height, followed by Cloud.

However, just as she was walking away she paused and turned back. "Or do you want me to take them off instead?"

Cloud blinked several times before he replied, "W-What? What d-do you mean?"

"After how you've hurt me, a nice fling with you for my slave would be nice." Teased Tifa, grinning sexily at Cloud, who was puzzled at how she could've recovered so quickly at inhuman speed and had popped such an unexpected question in his face.

"Err, you're joking right? You sure you're ok, you're acting kind of weird." Said Cloud uneasily as he watched Tifa drop her bathrobe to the floor and approach him before she started running her hand up his back, massaging him as she went.

"I'm ok, and why would I joke about something like this?" asked Tifa as her hands suddenly trailed down to Cloud's pants and began undoing them.

"Err, T-Tifa?" asked Cloud, starting to feel increasingly uneasy as he felt himself grow hot.

Just as Tifa was about to pull Cloud's pants off she stopped and grinned at him. "Good, you're a good boy, not like some guys on the street who're nothing but sex maniacs."

Tifa smiled at him before kissing him on the cheek. "Get some sleep, alright? Your room's still clean and made up. I'll see you in the morning, love you."

Cloud grinned ruefully at Tifa and was about half way of the door again when he stopped for no apparent reason.

'**_What are you doing Tifa? Get him while you still can, you know you want to.' _**Tifa conscience told her.

Tifa grinned at the voice within her she boldly unhooked her bra and threw it on her bed before putting on a seductive smile, "Cloud? On second thought, can you stay with me for tonight?"

Cloud spun around and his jaw touched the floor at the sight. There was Tifa, standing about a metre away from him, topless and wearing nothing else but her underwear with a sexy smirk on her face.

Cloud felt his face grow hot when he felt a tight restriction in the midsection of his pants and all he could say was "Shit,", before he found himself wrestling on the bed with the love of his life.

_**A/N: Oh my gosh, this is probably one of the cheesiest and worst stories I have ever written, but I had to so I could get it out of my head. Anywayz, please review and show some love, sorry if it was really lame and all, but please review! **_


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